Creating and Appreciating Intimacy


Happy Valentines Day!

I think today is such a sweet day of the year. I’ve had some awesome Valentine’s Days, one super difficult one and many spent alone or with some incredible girlfriends. Whatever this year holds for you, love is something we can and should be honoring all year long. We’ve all heard to have more gratitude, be more loving and open, passionate, curious and sexy before. These are ways of being we need to incorporate 365 days a year, not just one day a year. Aside from these super important emotions that yes, are really important here are the three keys I’m most focused on right now and how I cultivate, create and appreciate intimacy.

Whether you’re doing these with your partner or doing this for yourself you can incorporate this week’s self-love tips and still use these three strategies solo.

  1. Be emotionally available and express your needs and get curious about your partners. I also love what John Gottman says about honoring your partner’s bid for connection. The more you move towards your partner the more connection and intimacy is able to be created.
  2. Stack the positives. At night tell each other what you love about one another. Things you’re grateful for that day or memories that light you up. Create a tradition together. Couples that have 80-90% more positives then negatives are much more likely to stay together and be fulfilled. So constantly be asking yourself what can you do to light yourself or your partner up today? Or if you want to really stack the positives ask this question as frequently as you can throughout the day. Maybe you send a thoughtful text, pick something up they love at the market, snap a picture or read an article about their business or topics they love and send them something interesting. Go to dance or yoga class and light candles for when your partner comes home. Fill yourself up so you can have much more to give. And when something is challenging you’ll have lots of awesome positives stacked…and go back to number 1. Don’t miss the opportunities to be even closer when your partner tried to engage you. Or miss opportunities with yourself by shutting down and turning off. Stay present and connected.
  3. Keep creating visions together. Whether it’s a new relationship or one that’s decades old have something compelling that you are both excited to co-create. Find times to connect on this and both continue doing your part to making it a reality. It’s helpful to have visions at different times too. So maybe one is a vacation you’re both excited for, one may be something 2-5 years down the road and one may be the legacy and impact you want to have on the world. The best relationships seem to have lots of shared visions and time throughout the year to get even more associated to them, to plan and schedule the steps to making them come true. You can do this for yourself too across all 7 major areas of life.

Love to hear what you find most useful and any other tips you love…share away in the comments below or pm me with any questions. Wishing you a wonderful love filled day.

xoxo Laurin

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