There was a time not too long ago, that I didn’t feel very alive. I lived in a constant state of conflict and felt really lost. It took me a year of searching, learning and growing to finally be in a place where I could put my hand on my heart and really feel it beating. I didn’t think I had a beating heart! I thought I must be so cold, so disconnected that I don’t even have a heart beat. Yes, I was an extreme case, but I know I’m not alone. I had major ADD. I couldn’t sit still. I was afraid of all the emotion starting to release so I would laugh, shake my legs, stretch…anything to get me out of my body. My mind was always racing to the next thing. Now, through some hard work, great friends and amazing mentors and coaches, I live in love, peace, joy and gratitude. That doesn’t mean 100% of the time. It’s important to have a standard and know what you are capable of, but it’s just as important to not beat yourself up in the moments when you feel down. Accept those times and be grateful for them and then choose not to live there. Without the downs, we don’t appreciate the ups.
It takes time. It does. I’d be doing you a disservice to say one day I just woke up feeling free. It’s a practice. But I’m at a point where I’m comfortable with the unknown, because I’m more connected to the present. For some reason, people don’t think they’re clear until they have an answer. Hear me on this: being clear doesn’t mean having all the answers. The transition is in the noticing. It’s in paying attention to how you feel in certain places, with specific people and in particular situations. Instead of just reacting or reverting to old patterns, it’s tuning into your emotions, having a strategy and making a different choice. We get to choose where we focus and the questions we ask ourselves.
Do you know someone else that wants to have all the answers? Tweet it and live it! Being clear doesn’t mean having the answers. http://bit.ly/18pcNh4 @LaurinSeiden
Here are three strategies you can implement right away to use your emotions to connect with the present, get clear and feel even more alive.
1. Broaden your range of emotion.
One of my mentors, Donny Epstein, says “the quality of your life is the range of emotions you can feel.” So many people can’t seem to get past the basic happy/sad paradigm. For some reason we all think we have to be happy. When we’re not happy we think something is wrong with us. Happy/Sad. It’s so black and white. You’re range is limited when you focus only on happiness or sadness. If happy is the best you’re ever going to feel, there’s not much to look forward to, is there? On a scale of 1-10, happy is a 5 when you compare it to joy, ecstasy or excitement. Imagine only trying to get to a 5 in your relationship or your body. It wouldn’t feel that great; it would be more neutral. There are many other useful emotions in there, even the ones we perceive as negative.
2. Feel whatever it is you feel. Own it!
When you’re faced with uncertainty, if you acknowledge it and give yourself permission to feel, your options for movement and action expand exponentially. Emotions by nature only last a few minutes, maybe an hour if you let them. You only stay in the negative when you repeat stories in your head. If I’m angry, I step into it fully and ask myself questions like, “What is really going on? What emotion am I really feeling?” I could be looking for certainty, feeling fearful, wanting attention, feeling hurt. I’m staying in this emotion because I’m thinking only of me. What do I need to do to access another emotion? Remember the angry you will always be angry. The happy you knows how to be happy. You get to choose who inside of you shows up. When you allow yourself to feel, you can then move into something else.
3. Connect to a new, empowering emotion.
When you’re ready to move beyond your current emotional state, you must connect to something greater. What if you chose to be bold and frisky? Courageous and loving? Determined and dynamic? Aren’t those combos more empowering than happy? Once you settle on where you want to be, take steps to really connect. Make the sounds that the new, empowering emotions make you feel. Shout, sing, do a woo hoo, roar like a lion! Move your body. Stand up and put some energy into those new emotions. Look past yourself into the future and take an immediate action. Call your coach, get feedback, set a new goal.
I’m always working on raising my level of awareness and helping other people do the same. If you wait until you have an answer before you make any kind of a move, you get stuck. The movement creates the momentum. It gives you options. Stop judging yourself and decide to live differently today. How can you move through your emotions in a way that truly serves you and those around you? How will you feel more alive?